The Emmerance's Podcast

How to Build Your Self-Confidence

• Emmerance Victoria Odia Ndala • Season 3 • Episode 62

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Building self-confidence is about more than just feeling good about yourself. It's the foundation upon which we set boundaries, demand respect, and ultimately shape our envisioned life. It affects every aspect of our lives, from career advancement to nurturing healthy relationships and personal growth. In this episode, Emmerance shares the three steps to building your self-confidence.

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About Emmerance:

Emmerance Victoria Odia Ndala is a Self-Empowerment Coach, personal development blogger and Transformational speaker. She has been helping people with their self-love and personal development journey by being their coach or accountability partner.

If you have any questions, contact Emmerance @TheEmmerance or email Victoria@Emmerance.com.

Instagram: @TheEmmerance

Website: Emmerance.com

Music Credits: @sakionthebeat

Emmerance:

Question, question everything. Question why you see yourself that way. Why are you always depressed? Why is your energy so low? This is the Emmmerance podcast, where we empower you to choose yourself, because there's no other human being that's more important in this world than you. This might sound selfish, but it's not. If you believe that choosing yourself is selfish, then I want you to know that self first isn't selfish, and I will tell you why. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of the Emmerance podcast.

Emmerance:

I'm your host, Emmerance, Victoria Odia Ndala, and today I am so happy and excited for this episode because we're talking about self-confidence and I am so like in tune with myself right now, with my intuition, the divine downloads that's coming up in my head. Every time, like when I have something or a block of ideas, there's just one thing that comes in and it's just so powerful that I'm like okay, I need to talk about this, I need to show people how they can build their self-confidence, because I've been there. I wish I could listen to this when I was 18 because, boy, I needed that. The thing with self-confidence is you can accomplish anything. When you have self-confidence, when you are so confident in yourself, in your ability, you can do anything, and that's just because you know you're this shit. You know that you can do a lot of things and you're capable of doing it, even though you're going to struggle. You know that you're going to go ahead and just do it Because you're the boss. You can accomplish anything you send your mind to. So that's just what self-confidence is. You can't accomplish anything, okay. So we're going to talk about how you can build your self-confidence today. And, like I was saying, if I was 18 and I had this, I would probably make better decisions. But then again, life happens. We just need to use the past as lessons in order for us to have a better future. That's my way of life. I don't dwell on the past. I don't think about oh, what if I did this or what if I did that? I don't do that anymore. It's not my place. I like to look at the present moment and think about what I can do today in order to better my future, basically.

Emmerance:

So today you are listening to this probably because you lack self-confidence or you want to increase your self-confidence, and I'm here to tell you that it is still possible, whether you're still in your teenage years, young adult and adult, or you're getting to that old age. I don't know what that is, because I believe that everyone is super young, even if you're 50, you still have time. But if you're lacking and you're not getting what you want, you feel like you're always lacking. You feel like people are not treating you the way you should be treated, or people are not respecting you or people are taking advantage of you. Boy, you need that self-confidence. Self-confidence will help you set boundaries. Self-confidence will help you put your foot down and ask for what you want. So, when you have that self-confidence, just imagine the things that you can do get a better job, get a raise, have better friends, have a beautiful relationship, romantic relationship where your partner respects you. So that's the type of self-confidence I'm talking about. It brings results. It gives you the opportunity to create the life that you want. It's like trusting yourself, trusting the fact that you can't accomplish anything that you want.

Emmerance:

So, basically, one thing and I always give exercise okay. Exercises are always the way to do it. As a coach, I feel like if I did not do my own exercise to know who I am, to read certain books and to work on myself, I don't think I would be here talking to you guys. So the things that I've done in my life are the same things that you're going to do. And, of course, this is an advice. Okay, you take it or you leave it, but I am praying to God that you at least take into consideration.

Emmerance:

So one thing that's important here the word self-confidence has self in it. So self is me or you. You know you're a body, you're a human being. It's who you are, self. So people say selfish. That means you always think about yourself or you're being like all about you and you use people in a bad way to get what you want. So when it comes to that, you have to know the way you view yourself is the biggest impact, the biggest factor of why you have a low self-esteem the way you view yourself. I'm gonna say it again, the way you view yourself has an impact on your self-esteem, on your self-confidence. By the way, self-esteem and self-confidence are different. I just don't know how to explain it, but I feel like your self-esteem and self-confidence it is kind of the same, but they're not. But anyways, how you view yourself is really important.

Emmerance:

There's a lot of things that you have to think about. There's a lot of things that you have to process in your head right now. I would say get a pen and paper and write how do I view myself? And then just write whatever is coming into your head. Write it down and then ask yourself why. Whether you say you know I'm a good person, why are you a good person? Cause I do this and that and all of these things the exercise is just gonna make you think about, like the fact that your world is a mirror of yourself. Your world is a mirror of what is inside of you. So if you say that I'm just struggling, I have issues, I'm sick, I'm this, and that you are most likely going to have results, that goes with that negativity. So, whether it's good or not, you always have to ask yourself why and where did that come from? Where does that belief come from? Why are you thinking that you're that way? Like there's a lot of things that we have in our head. We have in our head and we believe is all because someone told us that when we were kids, someone told us that, or someone laughed at us when we were a teenager, or even in your family. You probably got known for a big forehead and now you always have to rock like bangs and that really, really impacts your self-esteem.

Emmerance:

One of my things, an example, which is really random because it could be anything One thing for me was my name, Emmerance. There was one time I remember and I think I already explained it in the previous podcast episode long time ago when this started. I remember that someone asked me like what does the E in your name stands for? And I said it stands for Emmerance. And then my sister went and said it in an accent that made the other person that asked the question laugh. And then I'm like yo, my name is lame as fuck. Like people are laughing at my name and that really made me bury that name Right. So I ended up doing the same exercise. The same exercise I did like a whole list and I asked myself why. So that was an example that you can use to help you with this exercise.

Emmerance:

But it's really important to know why you think of yourself a certain way, because it impacts your self-esteem, it impacts your self-confidence and it's really important to know the root of everything that we have in our head, the root of our beliefs. Like I don't know why people are so afraid of questioning certain things, especially in religion. People rarely question what they read in the Bible. People rarely question like God wants you to question things because he made human beings in like a complex way that you cannot just say, oh, this person is telling me the truth and I'm going to follow it. No man Like you cannot put yourself in that stage where you let your life be guided by someone else, even though it's a man of God, it's a brother in Christ or sister in Christ. I just think that it's important to understand that there are also human beings, just like you, just how you sin. They sin.

Emmerance:

Anyways, I'm not going to go to church right now, but I just wanted to point out that you are in full control of your life. You should not let another person control you. The reason why I say that this world revolves around you is because you only see through this body. You only see the world through this body, through the eyes that you have. Right, they are all around you. If you do a whole turn, you turn a full 180. You'll see that everything is around you. It's surrounding you, right. Everything is around you. So the world does revolve around you. The world does revolve around me, so I'm not going to just let myself be guided by someone else.

Emmerance:

It's good to have a coach, it's good to have a mentor, but please, if that person is starting to tell you things and you know your intuition is telling you that, okay, this is not good or it's just making you more and more depressed. I'm wondering, like, why aren't you bringing that up? It's really important. You can just let yourself go around and be tucked or be sent somewhere without questioning. Question, question everything. Question why you see yourself that way. Why are you always depressed? Why is your energy so low? Why are you thinking that you are not going to be someone when you grow up? Why do you think that you do not deserve that promotion? Why do you think that the only jobs that you will be getting is minimum wage? Ask yourself all these questions. You have to know how you view yourself. You have to really really go deep and deep and just take a moment to do this.

Emmerance:

Okay, and then you do the next thing, one thing that helped me a lot in my life and it keeps helping me every day, even the relationship that I'm in right now. I'm in the wonderful, my first healthy relationship ever. It's been a year going, two years now and I keep doing this very thing that I'm gonna tell you In life. You're born, your parents bring you somewhere. You grew up in a certain town. Your town Believes in something and you probably believe in it. But listen there. There will be a time where you have to unlearn. There will be a time where you have to unlearn and learn new things. So the most important thing in this world is to have an open mind. It is so, so important to be open to any ideas, any Religion, anything like. Just learn, learn about these things, learn a little bit about those things. And Then the side if you want to keep it or not, if it's for you or not, it's okay.

Emmerance:

But the most important thing is the unlearning part. When you unlearn stuff, you have to unlearn the things that are just toxic for you. Like I was Explaining to you in the first exercise on how you view yourself, everything that you wrote, keep the positive, remove the negative, remove it. Put it on the unlearn tab, like write unlearn in the section, and then write everything that you have to unlearn. It has to be all the negative stuff and maybe things that you don't need anymore, but it has to be any negative stuff that are just not helping you in this world.

Emmerance:

You believing that you're not gonna be able to get a promotion does not benefit you in any way. It's only gonna keep you stagnant. You're just gonna stay there and not go anywhere and not go anywhere. So put it in the unlearn tab. And then how do you unlearn, right? You unlearn by learning something new. Learning how you can learn to be more confident. Learn how you can be Getting a promotion. How do you get a promotion? You ask for it. Learn how to be assertive. Learn how to be that girl that people can go to for advice At work, people that need help. You know, that person that can teach other people some skills, that person that Speaks up at meetings because you have something to say. Those are the the things that will bring you to a promotion. Honestly, if you do the work, if you keep Doing it and if you keep like not being invisible at work, you'll see that people will notice you and will start being interested in you. You know your manager might be starting questioning like hey, I've never heard this person talk and they talk today like I really want to hear more from them. You don't know, but these people talk upper management, talk man like you can Literally just be yourself, be shy and not say anything, or you can be assertive and be someone a problem solver, a team worker and Just get that promotion just because you learned how to do these things.

Emmerance:

Today, the internet is a Fascinating place. Ai is there to help you. I use AI. There's no shame in it. I use AI, so what? So why aren't you using it? Why aren't you going to AI and ask them all these questions that you want to learn from? Learn, learn and keep learning, but unlearning is so important. I know it's difficult because I've been there. It's challenging too, because one time, someone will challenge you. Someone will be like but you thought that, you thought that you were lazy. I thought you were lazy. You said that how are you going to respond to that? You're going to be like yeah, well, that was my past. Okay, I'm someone new today and I am able to do a lot of things. I'm actually not lazy, I'm just productive and I choose what I want to do and I focus on it and I finish it.

Emmerance:

Affirmations, affirmations. I just said the third step and that formation is exactly what I just said. I am lovable, I am loving. I deserve love, I deserve a promotion. I deserve all of these things because my God is a God that doesn't lie, is a God that doesn't make mistakes. He created me with perfection. Everything that I have is perfect. It's affirmation. Guys, you just have to focus on the positivity and just not think about everything that you put on the unlearn section, because that's to unlearn, and you can only unlearn them by replacing them to with new ideas, with new affirmations, with new quotes, with reading Guys. Reading is so important.

Emmerance:

I wouldn't be here if it was not for books, and the reason why I say that is because I have been like this, opinionated, been a motivator, someone that really gives advice, even if I have never been in that situation, I swear, guys, I remember like I was 15, 16. I didn't start dating until I was 19, but I had my big sisters come to me for advice on relationship and I would just say, hey, you know, just do your thing, girl, be confident. That man ain't for you, he's toxic. Even my friends would come to me for advice, but I was like stunned when I started reading. All the ideas that I had in my head is in a book and, boy, that changed my life.

Emmerance:

Honestly, when it comes to self-confidence, you just have to kind of lie to yourself into believing that you are self-confident. You just have to decide. Today I'm gonna be confident, I'm gonna try something new. I'm gonna try something that I've never done before. I've tried something that I've never done before, and it's to go to a yoga class, actual in-person. And boy, I'm so shy sometimes, but I went there for the first time and I was feeling good because nobody talked. Nobody talked to each other at all. And then the second time I went and I talked to the instructor, I talked to another person, and now I'm just talking to people. I decided to get there 10 minutes early because the last time I got there right on time and I did not like it, because I walk for 15 minutes to get there and I was sweating. So I sweat a lot. That's just one of my things. But at the same time, it's like I'm telling you you just have to decide.

Emmerance:

Ultimately, having self-confidence is you just have to decide. You just decide that today I am going to go and talk to that crush. Today I'm gonna go and ask for a promotion. Honestly, god will not give you something that you do not ask right. And that's also how the subconscious mind works. The subconscious mind works in a way that's just full of wonders, but anything you give it is what is gonna be here if you're going to manifest it. That's basically how manifestations work. And if you're not careful, all your childhood traumas, all the things that you said on how you do yourself, is actually what your subconscious mind is giving you. So that's why I say you have to replace those things with something new, something that you're learning. So, at the end of the day, I just believe that being self-confident is the key to your success, and if you don't pay attention to the things that you feed yourself, the things that you listen to, you might be putting yourself in trouble, because those are the things that your brain registers and you're going to just materialize it in your life and you don't want that.

Emmerance:

So I encourage you today to go on with your life as of today. Declare that you are self-confident, you are confident in yourself, that you trust yourself and that you will try something new that will challenge you a little bit. We need a little bit of challenging. You shouldn't be comfortable in life. Just go ahead and do something challenging. Do something that you've never done before, something that you've always wanted to do. Try it, even if it has to be with leaving your parents' place or moving out to another country. Just do it. You never know. That's where our lives just changes and many beautiful things comes and unfolds.

Emmerance:

And it only took one decision All right. So that was it for today's podcast episode. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review. Let us just to know how you love this podcast, and I'll see you next time next week, same time on Monday, anywhere on the podcast platform. Oh, and also, I am planning on showing my face on YouTube. So give me a month or two, but I cannot wait to just show you guys my facial expressions when I talk, because I have big eyes and it shows. On that note, remember self first isn't selfish. Bye.