S4 - EP7: How to Choose a High-Value Circle: Manifestation & Boundaries

You are a manifestation machine. You manifest with every breath you take, whether you are conscious of it or not. If you are manifesting "peace" but your circle is giving you a "headache," you have a technical glitch in your filter.

In this episode, we break down the logic of the Self-First Standard as it applies to your relationships. Most people are taught that being a "good person" means accepting everyone’s stress and liabilities. That is a lie. To protect your vibration, you must understand that unconditional love does not mean unconditional access.

Key insights in this episode:

• The Double-Door Boundary: Why your life needs a security system that only allows other "Assets" inside.
• Asset vs. Liability: Are the people in your life elevating your frequency or feeding off your energy?
• The Status Quo Trap: Why "old friends" can sometimes be the biggest anchor holding you back from your new vibration.
• NPC vs. Main Character: Stop following the general script of "work, marry, retire, die." Start leading your own life.

YOUR HOMEWORK: Identify at least one person in your circle who is draining your life. If your environment is struggling, you are the source. It is time to change the frequency.

Listen to the full episode now.

Resources for the Standard:

• Download the Asset Foundation Manual (Free): https://www.emmerance.com/free-manuel/
• The Asset Newsletter: Get notified of new logic and standards. https://www.emmerance.com/self-first-letter/

About Emmerance: Emmerance Victoria is a Professional Coach and the founder of Emmerance Coaching Inc. She specializes in the Self-First Standard, a framework for vetting character, bridging identity gaps, and establishing personal authority.

Through her podcast and coaching, she provides the strategic logic for those ready to stop reacting to the material world and start leading from the Source.

Connect with the Source:

• Website: Emmerance.com 
• All socials: @TheEmmerance
• Contact: Victoria@Emmerance.com

Self-First isn't selfish. It's a standard.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

When you become better, your world also mirrors that to start attracting people that are mirroring what you need, what you want. There are people that are going to come to your life that's going to respond to some of your manifestations. People are going to bless you. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of the Emmerance Podcast. I'm your host, Emmerance Victoria. And today we are going to talk about how to attract high-value relationships, not just romantic one, but your circle. Last week I talked about how to manifest. Right. From episode one to episode six, I literally had to make an episode just for that because I feel like in every episode I was describing you, but you also have to understand that you are a manifestation engine, right? So you manifest as you're breathing. And that's exactly what I wanted to touch on last week. Now, this week I wanted to remove some lies that you believe in that has been draining you, that is in conflict with your manifestation. Because when you manifest, like let's say last week I gave the example of you wanting to manifest peace, but your surrounding is giving you a headache, right? And that's not what you want. As a self-first person, as the standard, you are the source. Now you understand that you are a manifestation machine. You literally manifest as you breathe. And so everything in your life is an effect of all the manifestations that you've been doing consciously and unconsciously. Unconsciously, we often believe that we need to be a good person, that we always have to reach out to help, we always have to stay connected, we always have to try something a little extra to keep our friendship with other people, relationships with colleagues, and etc. Now, the lie here about accepting people is that you need to be a good person so that you can accept anyone with the liabilities, the stress that they bring in your life. Today I want you to understand that that's not true. As a self-first person who is practicing the self-first standard, you have to understand that when you put yourself first, it means you also protect your vibration. A lot of people are saying that I changed or I am going through some um religion psychosis or spiritual psychosis. But all I'm trying to tell you is right now we're at a stage where there's gonna be a big change, right? And as a person who really wants to love themselves, we have to really start talking about reality as it is. So I explained to you the duality of bad and good being around us. The vibration that you go through is what you are attracting. If you are vibrating in hate, depression, and things like that, those are the things that's going to come to your life. Those are the things that you are attracting in your life. You guys know the saying, misery loves company. It's not that misery loves company, is the fact that misery will attract miserable people, right? So let's say you've been depressed for a big time in your life. You just have been going through a lot of up and downs, and your world is just crumbling. And so the people that are going through that with you are usually the people that are vibrating in the same vibration, right? So, example, like me, I am changing my vibration, I am attracting new opportunities, I am connecting with new people. And the old people that used to know me used to vibrate in the depressed Emirates Victoria. The people that are used to chill with the depressed Victoria is wondering what's going on. She changed and stuff like that. But it's just a result of me understanding my value and walking forward with that value because that's what I need. That's what makes me happy, and that's what keeps me from inviting negativity in my life. All right. So having a standard for yourself will help you attract other people. So that's my first point here is in order for you to really practice the self-first standard, you have to understand that it comes from you. It has to start with you and the things that you think about, the stuff that you say about yourself and the places that you go, it has an impact on you, on your mental health, on your physical health, and everything like that. So it's the same thing that when you work on yourself and you are getting out of depression, you are getting more confident in yourself, you definitely don't want to invite negative people because they might draw you back to that place that you're trying to get out of. Again, we are just manifestation machines, frequency machines. We're just a manifestation machine that are attracting whatever matches the vibration that we have right now. So, first point is work on yourself. All right, work on yourself, take care of yourself, do what makes you feel good. You can no longer accept people who are breaking your boundaries. You are no longer going towards friendships that are toxic and relationships that are toxic. You are now looking at yourself as the source, as the authority that you are, and you need to lead your life that way. You are not created in this world to just go with the script and be like an NPC. You know, the script that we have is you grow, you go to school, high school, university, whatever, you get married, you have kids, you still work, you have to now attend to the kids, and then now what do you do? You retire and life is done, right? Life is not like that. Okay, that's the script. That's the general script for general people who do not know what to do with their lives. But as a self-first person, you have to understand you are an asset, you're no longer an alliability. You are an asset, you're not a consumer, you are a thinker, you're not a worker. Okay, so that's one. And when we talk about putting yourself first and walking on that self-first standard, it is discipline. Okay. And discipline does not come overnight. It's something that you have to do daily and consistently. Okay. So, with that said, I believe that a lot of people can actually put themselves first and become better. Because when you become better, your world also mirrors that. That means you start attracting people that are mirroring what you need, okay, and what you want. There are people that are going to come to your life that's going to respond to some of your manifestation. That means people are going to bless you. And with putting yourself first is also accepting that you have the right to be spoiled. You have the right to accept that you're growing and you're getting promotion. You have the right to celebrate your wins. You have the right to look at yourself and be like, this is me and it's my birthright. Okay. Your birthright is literally to live the life to the fullest. Your birthright is literally going from point A to point B without looking at if you're bothering someone or not. And also walking in this journey, it means that you literally have to remove the things that do not serve you anymore. So your circle. My question for you, the people that you have right now, are they actually elevating you? So I talked about people that will come in your life that will promote you, right? That will help you elevate yourself. Now, I want you to understand that that is something that you vibrate. It's a frequency, it's the positive frequency that you need in order for you to have these opportunities. Okay, so basically, if you have a circle right now and you analyze your circle and you feel like your circle is just draining you, look at your own life. Are you draining yourself? Because sometimes we let other people do it, but we low-key are doing the same thing as other people, right? As we're manifesting, as we are getting more and more comfortable and confident in ourselves, I want people to understand that it's not anyone that you can just accept in your life, right? Obviously, you have family and you have those duties, but except for that, anyone that is coming into your life, even if they're family actually, because the people that come into your life to stress you should not be in your life. Because I believe that you can have a positive life. I believe that positivity is your birthright. So whatever you've been taught, whatever your parents taught you and stuff, especially in the Bible, it teaches you to just be in harmony with everyone, to accept anything and everything, but that's just for how people can live in community by respect. But in your personal life, my love, you have to understand that you can choose who can be in your life. You have the choice. The hard part is when it is your own family that's bringing stress. A lot of people are unable to put some boundaries with family. Now, you've been taught about unconditional love. And unconditional love, people think that it means unconditional access. And that's where the boundaries come in. How I want you to think about boundaries, it's like a building, okay? In a building, whenever you go in someone's apartment or condo, there's always this double door for security, right? The first door is where you put the code sometimes, and the second door is where you just go in, right? There's there's two doors. Now, I want you to think about your boundaries as the first door being the entrance, okay? You are walking in your self-first standard. So the person that has the code must also be walking on their self-first standard. Because once you take care of yourself, you want other people to also take care of themselves. You would actually even go and help them. But with the self-first standard, unconditional love does not mean unconditional access. The access should be that you see the person actually improving in their lives, you're seeing the person actually making progress and changing, or you guys have some type of similar taste or things like that, but you also can see that the person is also wanting a positive life. And so that boundary, the first door where the person has to come and put the code, I really see it as that is the main part where you allow the person in your life. Like that's after you guys discussed and stuff, because you need to know things about the person, right? I usually have this conversation with people randomly where I say that I have people that I know here, but I don't have many friends here. Because for you to be my friend, I have to know a certain information about you, right? I have to know where you were born, your background, how many siblings you have, a little bit of story. And, you know, I will feel like, okay, I know this person. And with that, I'm able to actually tell myself, okay, well, now I know that this person comes from this family and stuff like that. I know that the person also had their challenges. So we can um communicate in that, you know, share trauma. But when you share trauma, it's not for you to dwell on it, it's for you to understand that the person came from somewhere and is going somewhere. Okay, and that somewhere that they're going should be positive. And you can see that with their actions, right? Last week we talked about manifestation and how your spirit only sees actions because that's how you actually believe. That's how you prove that you believe in something. So when the person that is trying to be your friend, you're seeing their life, they are actually doing better and doing good for themselves. Then I would say give them the code. They are your friend. Now, the code can be revoked too. When the friend becomes toxic, when the friend starts, you know, pulling away or starts getting jealous of you. Those are the things that you have to keep a look at because a lot of people, we don't know their heart. A lot of people are vibrating in some frequency, and that's another thing. You have to be okay with some relationships not working. A lot of people force relationships. A lot of people think that some friendship in elementary school and high school has to continue. I actually believe that that's great, that some people are still friends from elementary, high school, and up. I also believe that the mentality that's in that group is more like they're comfortable with the status quo. However, just like in business, you cannot be in status quo because when you're in status quo, the world is improving, the world is moving. And one thing, side note, not has nothing to do with this whole boundary talk, but a lot of people don't understand that we live in a cycle, right? Something can start and end. Everything has a peak and an end. Even civilization, for how long? If that was not the case, then Egypt would be an Shinkemet today. So you have to understand that even my country, Congo, was named Zaire before. And now it's not Zaire, it's Congo. So you have to understand that things change within 20, 10, 5 years, even tomorrow, life can change. We already have that experience, right? We already had that experience with COVID. We already had that experience with many other things. Now, why do I bring that as an example? It's because a lot of us are comfortable with comfort. We're comfortable because we're happy, we're we're settled, we're good, but we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I want you to be proactive. I want you to be awake and I want you to protect your peace. Protecting your peace starts from your circle. Your circle, no matter what, you are feeding, like they're feeding from your energy and you're feeding from their energy. So, whatever is going on in their life, if you always have a friend that's always calling you to complain, you are getting drained, even if you think that you can handle it. Sometimes we don't understand how our brain is so fried. We didn't do anything, but you spent hours on the phone listening to someone complaining about their lives without finding a solution. Have friends who come to you with an issue because they want a solution. Have friends that maybe they want to just vent, but at the same time, let them know that you hope that there's going to be a resolution and that venting will not just repeat itself because it's okay. You know, some people do not like to have the unsolicited advice, which I understand, but at the same time, what is it that we're looking for? I am not dwelling in this conversation in this negativity just so that you get all the energy that I have. The truth here is high-value relationships need high value entry. Okay. When you put yourself first, you tell the world that you are walking as the main character of your life. And that means the people around you, when the world is going to look at your friends, your family, your all that, they can judge you based on your circle, especially your friends, because those are the people that you have the chance to choose. You have the choice to choose them for them to be in your life. So you're not here to fix nobody. You're not here to just listen, and you're not here to lead. Okay. You're here to lead yourself, and people can follow you and stuff like that, but they have their own life. Okay. You have to understand this because a lot of times we are, you know, leading. We think people owe us things, but nobody asks you to lead. All right. We have to also remember that. If nobody asks you to lead them and suddenly you started leading them, you know, they appreciate it, but it's not appreciated enough like you thought it would be. If you get disappointed, that means next time, don't lead, because then you are lowering your vibration. You are getting disappointed, which is a negative emotion. I believe that it's so easy for us to just go from being very negative to positive, just by understanding that those are the situations, and we are just here to look at what's going on so that we can improve ourselves, right? So remember, you are attracting the frequency you emit. So while you want a better life, you have to understand that you have to walk that better life. The start is you. You are the source, okay? You are the one that's putting yourself first. You are the one that people are going to look at. Okay. So you have to understand that that is your first and foremost homework in your life. Okay, your whole life. You should have a standard. The self-standard is always fill your your own cup first before you fill someone else's cup. Okay. You cannot fill from an empty cup. If you have nothing or half of water in your cup, you cannot really share that. Okay, because you're getting depleted, you're also getting lower, lower and lower in your own vibration, in your own world. All right. So my homework for you, it's been a while. I haven't given you any homework for a while, but my homework for you is I want you to identify at least one person in your circle that you've been like, I really think that this person is training my life. And without that person in my life, I think I would be great. Think about it and let me know if you actually found someone. If you didn't find anyone, but you're still struggling with your environment, then you probably need a circle that will help you get better. If you want to put yourself first and walk in this self-first standard, I created the asset foundation, which is in the link in the show notes, and it gives you steps, even a 21 days challenge on how to improve yourself. It's great for you if you really need to understand, okay, what is the self first standard? And how do I really put myself first so that people can take me more seriously? Okay, so think about it, and I'll see you next week. Remember, self first isn't selfish. Bye bye.